


The time in between

by SignsTimeMemory



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Six years time jump in between, The Ark, some tough love, the bunker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 21,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignsTimeMemory/pseuds/SignsTimeMemory
Summary: A series of one shots regarding the six years between praimfaya and the beginning of season 5.The story will be devided in three as it follows the life in the bunker,on Go Sci,and sometimes Clarke's as well.





	1. Six years and seven days later

**Author's Note:**

> -I do have a line to follow,but we need to create an in between the two seasons which is why I m fully open to suggestions and prompts.  
> -According to plan the fic will be devided in a 100 chapters,50/50 between the ground and space.  
> -This hiatus is already killing me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been six years inside of the bunker as well.

When Mr.Thomas Stearns Eliot had decided to finally publish his sight of the world through the "Hollow man",he had been undecided about whether the world shall die with a bang or a whimper.To say the truth,the reading had sounded pretty depressing even when the world known was reduced to the inside of a couple of meters of a metal box,which shall be emptied when life ended,as if one had never existed. There had been readings of it when their mother had been feeling like reading with them.Now looking back,it all made sense,but the effort could be appreciated.She had faught tooth and nail for them. She could've never imagined some day her kids would've wondered about it as well. 

To the agreement of the Kru the world had gone out with a bang.

Not that the true extent of damages was known,but it had been loud and great,and all the sorts of gruesome one could've imagined;above all when all you had to work with was your imagination and skills to get through.

About that,Octavia Blake had had plenty of it over the years.

Imagining was still better than seeing it.Truth was she couldn't have lived with such pictures buried in her mind. That world was the only one which had ever truly been welcome to her,no matter the wars,no matter the adventures which had been lived.

It had come up pretty useful on her "floor"days,on getting out of trouble in general to imagine there could've been something better,something to look up to.

No amount of that,however,could make up for some important things.Things like not having her brother by her side,or having lost friends,good friends like Jasper,but mostly the only man she had ever loved.

A bang,and the world had ended.

First it had been hers,when a single bullet had shattered all her plans and dreams of a happy future.

Then everybody's.

One single bang had destroyed everything which had been created in the last 97 years.

A whimper,and it had started turning again?

At which coast?What was the catch?

2199 DAYS

They were a year late.

Bellamy was a year late.

And the only banging she could hear at the moment was that of her people trying to get them free.

Octavia had scouted the area the whole morning,lead and put groups together to try unblocking the passage. In truth it had been a whole year of doing that,and getting the disappointed to believe there was still a way out.

Their faith hadn't weathered,they had been faced with hardships,but somehow they were still standing.

Yet still coming up empty handed,they had totally been buried.

It was of no help that every time they tried to fix the computers they would get fried.Even if the wave was over,it still seemed to have an effect on their only way to the outside world.

Communication had been cut off.

Having no way to open the door,and fried computers,meant basically being stuck and even if they had managed to find a way out,the whole Polis had come down on them and getting rid of the debris wouldn't have taken just a day.

Since the beginning,however they had learned to ration,and it had taken months on end to come up with a sort of agricultural space,but the results had been uplifting.

On a positive note it had gotten people closer,it had made them realize unity could only bring peace.

Unity day didn't feel like a joke anymore the way it had been on the Ark.It felt like people finally coming together,minds working as one,to realize a common goal.

Even that...had taken the six years they had been inside.

Octavia sat down at the desk and looked around herself,then at the master clock which had been created sitting right in front of the office,halfway through the stairs to the door of the bunker. Whispers,whimpers of younger kids,and  closer door opening were the sounds greeting her ears,the way they had for the last six years,but she could sense it was still too soon in the morning to get to work or just another day in the life. Indra would be there soon enough anyways.

She looked at the black screens in front of her.

The last time technology had truly worked for her,it had allowed her to talk to her brother.To tell him all the things unsaid.Before he could go back up there and try out their crazy plan.All said,she just wanted him back in her arms,wanted to tell him how things had been,wanted to tell him he had been one of her lifelines,and his words had resounded in her head every day since he had been gone.Winning that conclave had been the start,fighting for that belief had been one the biggest battles of her life.It had meant turning the anger and pain into hope and care for those looking up at her.It had meant letting the people surrounding her actually make her feel.Bit by bit she had learned to breathe better,to reinforce the belief that as painful as it had been to let go of those who were left outside there was still something to fight for(she had learned new things from them all as well as teaching them)and wake up even with half an heart, without feeling guilty or undeserving to be still alive and be the only half of them who had been able to see his dreams come true.

There had been words.To Lincoln,to Bellamy...to those she cared for.On day 2192 she had written to Lincoln about another year having passed,and the new plans to open the door.Today her thoughts were to her big brother.

_Dearest Bellamy..._

Not being able to see him was no excuse to not talk to him.


	2. Day 1460(Bunker):Unity day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clans celebrate Unity day,Octavia and Niylah share an important moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I'd like to thank Dillon for the suggestion.  
> Second:I shall add that the chapters will keep not following a linear timeline,instead there'll be some going back and forth according to future prompts.

_The Bunker,Unity day,Year Four,day 1460 since Praimfaya,1461 since the Conclave._

The room had quickly filled up with the chatting of lots of voices.  
The concept in itself was to bring all the people together to celebrate and Octavia was glad to be looking down at such unity.  
In her 20 years of life that sort of day hadn't been something to look forward to. The most she had ever had of unity day on that crazy first year on earth when she had finally become free was celebrating their freedom from a society which had rejected and sent them down to die  
"So,what about this Unity day?"  
Niylah had become a good friend,and Octavia would always be grateful to her for what she had done.

"We shall all celebrate the day we finally came together. Every war,every battle,all the blood shed. I never rejoiced in those things. All I wanted was peace. There was a time in which we were all lost,we shouldn't be denied the chance to celebrate this."

"Go down there and give your speech,Commander"

"You know I don't like to be called that. I shall always be considered and consider myself their equal,and never something above them."  
Octavia walked towards the crowd,followed by Indra and Gaia to take her spot where she d be giving her speech.

The room had long been deemed the new "Heda room",and her people had turned it a bit into a welcoming place which sometimes reminded her of the old one up above in Polis.

" _I must say..I never cease to be amazed by the way this community grows together everyday. Unity day shall be a day to celebrate we're still here,but we aren't simple survivors.The toll we had to pay was high,the lives which were lost are still hard to accept,but I'd like to use this moment to remember that we shall always find light in the darkness.We shall not be afraid to face our differences,to share our ideas,to hold onto each other.This must be our wish,this was the wish of those lost. If we do this kom folau,oso na gyon op."_

It was his wish too. He would've loved this.

She stepped down from her place,for a meeting with the ambassadors,as everybody else celebrated.

On unity day,all the clans would get something ready,either food,or games,even gatherings with kids;while Octavia spent her morning having her briefings with the ambassadors,and would then go on to spending the evening with the crowd,but mostly with the kids.She had never shied away from public apparences,lately. At the beginning she had done those just out of being the leader.She had had to even if some meetings had been hard to bear,or she had felt like not wanting to go or not being ready,but over time she had truly learned through Kane and Indra's guidance that she had been more ready than she could've thought.

She had also learned to be around bigger crowds and it  had stopped bothering her the way it had when they had just landed on earth or after Lincoln's death. Octavia had almost felt less lonely.

* * *

 

By the end of the evening she was totally exhausted.

Being up and about all day,everyday and for everybody was hard.

If she could've had just ten minutes to sit down and rest...

Her thoughts were interrupted by the blonde healer walking towards her again.

They had been good friends for years by now. Ever since they had saved each other's lives they had formed a bond.Nylah  had been great at the medbay,and become very trusted among the former Skykru as well.In time of trouble she had known how to keep calm,and push people forward.

She sat by her as Octavia unclipped her cloak from the armor and took off the bindi.

Niylah had long past gotten through her thoughts of Clarke. She had either lost her life during Praimfaya or left with the others for space.The woman hoped it would be the second,but she thought of her just in amicable terms now. For a bit at this point,her first thoughts had been for the young woman who had chosen to guide what was left of humanity to safety.

Her hand slipped right upon the Leader's knee.

Octavia looked up and wished she could've been looking straight at the sun or the stars,while feeling the wind on her face like she had gotten to at seventeen.

She felt guilty. 

She wasn't supposed to feel anything remotely close to desire,or hope or care.

Octavia knew for sure she would've never felt again what she had felt for Lincoln.She would've never stopped loving him,never forgotten what she had wanted with him. Everyday for the rest of her life,he would've been with her.He was the one she would've liked to grow old together with,the one she had dreamed to make a family with.

Once that hope had been shattered,she had chosen to live for each day.The life of a "Commander" could've been cut short any moment,even where they were,and her pessimism wouldn't allow her to go beyond that.Feeling any sort of like,beyond being friends,for Nylah hadn't been accounted for.

Octavia really didn't know what that type of love was anymore.

That rainy day had taught her that loving meant being in pain,and now she was wary of giving a piece of her broken heart out anymore,but knew she didn't mind Niylah's company,or her attentions. After all,she could still count on one hand the times in those four years she had said "I love you"or simply "I care for you"to anybody without feeling afraid of killing them in the process.

All she knew was that the last time she had said it,Bellamy had disappeared from her radar. Octavia didn't even know if he was still there,or she shall be mourning a brother who was lost forever.

Niylah,she didn't mind at all.

She was nice and Octavia sometimes wondered how Clarke could've let go of her so easily.

"It's okay,if you...I'm sorry...this wasn't my place...I shouldn't have rushed forward,I wasn't very respectful."

The woman run to the door as if to leave but Octavia was faster.

"Wait..."

The healer turned to look back at her.

"I'm not...you don't want to be with me..."

"Why wouldn't I like you?"

"You'll get tired.You'll get tired of me being sad all the time.You'll get tired of my issues,of me being away,always at a meeting,always seeing people.You'll get tired of me waking up at night searching for people who can't be here with us.You'll get tired of me never being there the way you might want me to.

Niylah kneed in front of her and stroked her check softly. She wouldn't make herself any illusion,the healer knew Octavia would've never truly stopped grieving. Nobody could've ever stopped grieving their lost home.

"Let me show you,otherwise"but she didn't want the other woman to spend the rest of her life thinking that loving meant killing people by showing them how much you cared. Niylah could've never asked her to forget or fully let go.Not even if she had wanted her to.

Her only wish and goal was to teach the Leader there were things still worth living for. That she could still be happy in this life.

It was the first time anybody had touched the younger Blake in three years and something more,and it felt like she was betraying Lincoln,when she knew she could've never fully moved on from what had happened.

God knew how guilty she had felt when she had let Ilian touch her,and there had been no feelings involved unlike this time around.

By now,she knew how to live half alive,but not how to shake away the feeling that every smile,every breath taken still felt like betraying him. Maybe,only maybe someday,she could've tried to give Niylah the sort of love she deserved,if she was so willing to accept that Octavia would've always been broken.

She grieved the simple presence like she had years before,and couldn't hold back the tears as she finally let somebody else touch her.

Octavia cried the whole time.

 


	3. Day 645(Bunker):I'll be waiting...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia is faced with one of her biggest battles as a leader yet,but gets a surprise in the meantime.

_The Bunker,Year Two,Day 653._

Octavia's schedule often included rounding the bunker in the morning to make sure everything was okay. 

She would pass levels and rooms,and check out on everybody.

Somehow people were still in wonder that she'd be walking around like any other person,but the younger Blake didn't mean to let her role as a leader get in the way of living normally.

She truly wanted things to change,she wanted to be considered as another human,nothing more nothing less.She wanted them to see her flaws,and know she had a life outside of being the Leader.

Totally caught up in her memories as she walked through Azgeda quarters,in one of those rare moments in which her mind wasn't thinking about the chances of disaster or possible failure,or what she had lost;she totally lost sight of the world surrounding her.

In one single moment she fell to the floor.

When Octavia managed to sat up,there truly was no rage in her face,but she literally came down from the clouds to the eyes of a frightened child,who must have been 5 or 6 years old.

She smiled genuinely at him,and his eyes widened.

Octavia wondered if he was weirded out by the fact that she was smiling,which was rare occurance to her as well,or if it was because she was considered a mythical creature around kids just like all the past Commanders,and that was something which had never changed,even though it had nothing to do with Heda being a goddess,that wasn't the evenience anymore.

"Heya"

He blushed and answered in a small voice.

"Hei"

"Du yo chich gonasleng op?"

"I do"

She stood up and offered him her hand to grab.

"What's your name?"

"Daivy"

"I'm just Okteivia to you,ok?"she added,winking at him,as he gasped in awe.

 

* * *

 

_Day 660_

_"_ Okteivia"

She was woken up by some shouting and her door opening.

"Okteivia you need to come with me".

Her mentor was looking at her almost scared.

"Indra,what's going on?"

"A disgrace,an epidemy."

She stood up from the floor where she'd usually be lying and dressed up as quickly as she could.

"Where?When and how?Where are the ambassadors?"

"I've already gathered them up for a short briefing,it looks like it broke out this morning,we don't know how many were affected yet."

"What kind of epidemy?How bad is it?"

"Do you wanna check out yourself?"

They walked quickly through the hallways to reach the newborn farm.

Mostly skykru,trishanakru and trikru had been working at it,but she had noticed that azgeda had been getting good results as well.Because they had been living in a very cold part of grounder nation they seemed to have found clever ways to keep food edible.

"Alright,we need to put all the sick in quarantine.Gather up all the clans which weren't involved in the farm in the main room,call Niylah and Abby and tell them to get medbay ready.Tell Kane to explain the others what's going on."

"Some of them stated that something went wrong with the way they were growing those plants."

Octavia stopped walking and looked Indra in the eyes.

"You can do this"

"I can't let them die,Indra."

"Nobody has died yet.It's not too late for anybody"said the older woman,quickly hugging her acquired daughter.

The kid needed to stop thinking so low of herself.

If there was one person she could trust with encouraging her that way,it was Indra.She hd become a mother figure,and Octavia knew Indra wouldn't lie to her;she knew,always knew what to do.

I left to look for those she had asked for but her rounds continued.

She needed to check out the farm,but first Octavia needed to make another stop.

The leader spotted him sitting besides his room's door,looking sad.

She speed up her pace then kneed right in front of him.

"Hey buddy,what's wrong?"

"My nomi is sick"

"Wher's your noni?"

"He died two months before Praimfaya"

"Can I check out on your nomi?If she's sick I'll have to bring her where they can take care of her"

He nodded,but then paled as they came in and ran to sit on the floor.

The woman was deadly pale and trembling,only coughing weakly.

"I'll get her to the healers,alright?"

The rest of the room was still filled with people who walked out when Miller came in asking them to go to the gathering room.

When it became empty and the child's mother was carried out,she sat by him in the same spot of the room.

He backed up against the bed.

"What's wrong goufa?"

In one moment she felt like somebody had stabbed her.

Octavia was carried away far from the bunker. Years from when she was. Her feet moved on their own as she picked the boy up and moved him from where he had been sitting.

She run wildly around the room trying to look for some useful tool to open IT.

"Miller,are you still there?"He wasn't but another guard was,and he handed her his sword.

Octavia felt for a slight gap in the floor,and inserted the point of the sword there,stepping on it.

_One.Two.Three times.Till it didn't open._

She tried to calm down as her trembling hands went to lift the baby up.

"I'm _not afraid"_

It was a small baby grabbing at her with her tiny hands. Her brown eyes looking softly at her.

Octavia looked at Davy and thought she must have been looking crazy.

"Please,please don't take her away.It's not her fault"

The leader didn't know if he was referring to what was happening or the fact that a child had been born under her command whose presence she hadn't been notified,but either way that had never been considered.

In some twist of fate she had been made to find that baby girl and she wasn't about to let go of her.

This girl would've existed.She would've had a chance at life. Nobody would've taken her away from her family,just because she had been born.

"Please don't take her"

Octavia realized she had totally been ignoring the boy,and he must have been thinking she didn't care.

She had promised that each and every person would've mattered inside of that Bunker and she wasn't about to change that.

For one moment she was totally lost inside of her memories.

His eyes carried the same fear Bellamy's had the day she had been taken to the Skybox. They were full of failure and afraid she might turn on him,but Octavia knew better. That look had been on her mind everyday for an entire year while in jail and while it had been painful to remember it was also the reason she had toughened up. It was either eating or being eaten.And she had chosen the first.

She slowly headed for the door and the boy run at her,gripping onto her leg and pulling her cloak.

"I'll do anything.."her mother had been forced to do the worst thing to keep her and Bellamy safe.

Octavia looked down at him.

"Nothing is ever gonna happen to your sister.Not a chance,I promise"

He seemed to cheer up a lot after he realized that his sister was gonna be safe and reached out for her hand.

"Would you like to come to my quarters?"

Somebody seemed to have put all the stars in his eyes,because he nodded happily and followed  her.

Together,hand in hand, they left the Azgeda quarters.

* * *

 

Once the kids were in bed,the Leader knew there was very few before they had knocked at the door,and it wasn't wrong at all.

Mere minutes later there was a knock at the door,and Indra came in to inform her about the progresses.

"Octavia"

"Tell me,Indra. How are things going?"

"Me and Kane managed to gather up all the healthy inside of the main room,while the sick were put in quarantine inside of medbay,Right at the moment we know that 30 have become sick with this strange illness"

Abby chose that moment to make her presence known,and explain to her the medical details behind this illness' breakout.

"Me and Jackson started analyzing everything as soon as we were notified. At first we thought it had something to do with the way the new plants had been developed.However thanks to further studies,we think it might have had something to do with the room itself. We suppose there's a colony of bacteria and the workers inhaled them and became sick as they were exposed to those throughout the days.It's transmitted through air,and easily contagious"

Octavia nodded understanding,but as she turned around,her hands gripping her sides as she gasped for air,all the explanations about the epidemy left her mind.

"Could you please leave me alone for a couple of minutes?"

They both chose to do so,even if doubtful at first,but she knew they were still outside of the door just in case. Octavia knew they would've been able to help her the right way.

She ended up on the floor,with tears streaming down her face,and useless short breaths which were quickly giving her a headache.

Her past,her pain,and last but not last this epidemy,were taking a toll on her again,and as much as she could bear it,Octavia had always counted on hiding the times she let herself cry this way.

She had promised once when she had risked doing what Pike had donw,that she would've never held things back,then let herself explode once more;but she needed to be strong for a lot of people now and not just herself anymore.

Now she was panicking.

Yet,through the tears,Octavia managed to spot the silhouettes of Niylah and Davy coming her way,sitting in front of her,till they weren't gripping her hands.

The leader gripped those back with just as much,if not more,strength.Held onto those for dear life.

 She shall never give up.

* * *

 

Upon recovering from her thinking about her painful past and her attack,Octavia chose to pay a visit to the medbay.

She was aware it wasn't full to the brim,but there were still too many people on those beds.

The sight of the kids' mother actually attracted her once again,and the leader got closer to check out on her.

"How's she doing?"

"It's a sort of flu,but much worse,and we've not fully studied it yet,but it's gonna take some days before we've developed a cure. We'll have to test it then make sure it works."

"I trust in you,and I trust you'll know how to help our people"

She turned on her heels to leave,and made a beeline for the door.

Once it was shut behind her,Octavia leaned on the wall,an headache already developing and sheer exhaustion on her face.

It had been a long day,and the leader knew it would've been so till the epidemy hadn't fully been contained.

 

 


	4. Bunker,day 647:...and keep holding on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epidemy has spread.How will our Bunkers cope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First week without The100 gracing my screen....let's have some good time with fics then...

  _Bunker,Year two,Day 647_

In hindsight she should've expected it.

Whatever it was...

Hell,the headache. It hadn't left her since the reunion two days ago.

She hadn't truly been able to do much since then.

All the papers looked blurry to her. She hadn't been able to follow the ambassadors,nor had she managed to write her letter of the day. By the night of day two,Octavia was beyond pissed.

She couldn't show weakness,she couldn't lose it in front of them.

So Octavia ghosted around for those two days.

Between a splitting headache,and chest pains taking her breath away whenever she last expected it.

That night it got to her so much that she just chose to leave everything for the day after.

Octaiva stood from her desk  left the office,bent in two by both abdominal and chest pains,and coughing the whole time.

If she had been in her right state of mind,the Leader would've noticed that there was somebody behind her,but truth was she was too lost into her mind,and trying to put forward a step after the other to get to her room rather than trying to understand who was following,and falling.

* * *

 

  She didn't look good at all.

 Kane knew what she was doing.She was putting their safety first,so she couldn't show any weakness.

But her paleness told a different story.

 He shook his head and grabbed her by the arm,after he had just watched her literally leaning her whole weight on the wall by her.

"C'mon follow me,I'll take you to Abby"

"I'm alright,let go of me"she shrugged him off,swerving dangerously to the right,but only walked a few meters before stopping dead in her trucks,and taking a deep shaky breath. Few were the times in which she had been so dizzy in her life.

Marcus run to her before she could even fall.He put her arm around his neck and helped her walk.

"You don't want them to see your moments of weakness,but let me take care of you,or else you'll fall and they'll all see that."

Those healthy had been gathered up into their quarters,those who couldn't get into their quarters had settled into the common room or other healthy quarters,for the time being,and for as long as it had been needed,even if it would've been a bit crowded they had managed. 

Abby and Jackson had been adamant they shall check out the whole bunker and they had.

The first time they had found a colony in farm station,and only farm station,but the illness spread through air,and it had spread pretty quickly.

This time,even Octavia's strength hadn't been enough to fight off the illness.

* * *

 

By morning situation had gotten worse. Abby had checked out the values and they were plummeting instead of rising.

Fever was running high,she hadn't been able to stop her from trembling. Her breathing was shallow and wheezy.

And just a few minutes later Indra was approaching Abby,with questions she'd rather they hadn't had to make themselves.

"How's she?"

"Still holding on. We've made some progresses with the cure,soon we'll be ready to administer it."

Abby looked up at the other woman. Under that strong facade there was a caring woman,and the older Griffin knew what it was like to be in this situation.

She knew she hadn't been there for all of the delinquents as she'd have liked to,Abby didn't even know where her own daughter was,though she still prayed everyday she may be safe...but the General standing in front of her had been there through all the thick and thin that child,or not so much anymore,had been through.

The doctor often forgot that these kids had had to grow up pretty fast,and even more when they had been sent down to earth to die. What Raven had told her once,was still something that could surprise her greatly;despite how true it was.

Many hadn't been saved in the past. But Octavia had survived so much worse,Abby didn't want to believe she would've given up to this illness. Octavia Blake still had a chance. 

They hadn't counted on the bacteria in the mold and dust being so dangerous and the doctor was pretty sure they were gonna lose someone before the end of the night.

Bacterial pneumonia,that was what it was,and it could easily be fatal.

There would've been casualties,but it wouldn't be the kid lying on that bed. Not the warrior who had wished for equality of all the clans.

For what it had brought,Abby didn't regret opening that door. Just like in TonDC she had understood those people,she had felt a bit closer to them,and if she hadn't opened,Marcus or not,she would've always felt guilty,on top of not being sure she herself deserved to be saved.

One more time coming together had worked out to get them through such hard time.

And while she had felt guilty over this,she had been happy to know Marcus was proud of Bellamy.

She herself remembered,in the hours before he and Clarke had left the bunker that the boy had looked at his sister with nothing but pride in his eyes.

And that had been his way to finally accept the path she had chosen for herself.

All said a young woman had managed to accomplish what many others hadn't,losing her would've meant losing all the hope they had learned to have.

* * *

 

Indra sat down,by that bed.

She was incredibly worried.

The fever hadn't lowered ever since Kane had brought her there,and Octavia had hidden it for two full days before being discovered.

She was awake,but her eyes were only half open and watery. Almost unseeing.

Indra softly stroked her hair. She wasn't one to abandon herself to great displays of affection,but when her daughters hurt it was all different. 

Whereas Gaia had chosen the spiritual path,Octavia had chosen the warrior one,and she had been so passionate about it that the general would often be reminded of a younger self.

Last time Octavia had been in a near death situation she hadn't even been able to be there.

Somebody had gotten so close to her that not only had she been attacked,but also been stabbed;so once she had gotten to see her Octavia was up and about again,as if they had never put her down.A young girl full of strength,who had learned from zero how to be a grounder and then gone so far.

So Indra would be darned if she had let her go down without a fight.

If she could've,she would've hugged her to make her warmer;take that pain away from her.

She straightened the mask she wore for protection on her face and looked at Abby.

"What's this?"

"We're trying to get some oxygen to her,just to make sure."

But the tubes she had in her were frightening either way.

The bunker had provided the doctors with old machines,and while some had been carried from Arkadia,the others which had been found,for how old they might be,were actually pretty useful,and above all...were working.

Indra just wanted to make sure they would've all gotten through.

* * *

 People all around got worried. Such quiet and peace they had been living into for a year and half had been halted by this epidemy. Whereas lots of people were actually fine,the idea that the Heda might have been affected by it scared them. Indra had watched them closely. She watched them letting go of the last shred of their old thinking. Once they had realized the flame was no more,and nightblood didn't matter either,the only thing missing was the idea of the Commander,or rather the Leader being a God-like figure. Octavia,now more than ever, was one of them,and she had always wanted to be considered like this.

It was touching how worried they were.

For all it mattered the peace this new life had brought was healthy for them all.

And as the people from the Bunker worried and prayed,their Leader still laid on a bed fighting between life and death.

It was at this point that once again Octavia was faced with the idea that she might not survive.

Everywhere she looked she could see the dying and the pain. She couldn't even breathe,and couldn't really discern dream from reality.

But still the oblivion was pretty welcoming when she could spot his shadow around her. It was like his arms were still engulfing her,and yet he was nothing more than a mere production of her worn down mind.

He was so close,it was like he could touch her.

_"You need to fight,Octavia. Fight the way I know you always did"_

"I'm...I don't really...let me come with you"

"Okteivia?"

Indra could do nothing but watch her fall apart again,into her delusions,calling for Lincoln as if he were still there,and sometimes for her brother when she had a moment of clarity,between painful wheezes and the moans of the other patients.

"Yu gonplei nou ste odon,ai yongon".

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here I am back again.Apologies for the absence but college has been keeping me quite busy,however I really really love making theories about what might have happened in the last 6 ys since praimfaya happened...so I'll keep going till we don't get the new season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter,just to get back in the game.And then we'll move forward to other moments of the 6 ys gap between s4 and s5

When Octavia woke up,things seemed to be much quieter,unlike the latest days.She didn't know if it was even three or 30 days anymore,she just knew that somehow she was still there. Laying on a bed,but still standing.

Still stuck in there,she could do nothing but look around the medbay.

Some beds still held their occupants,some were empty.Octavia only hoped it was so because they had healed,but she knew she must not hope too much. Life had given her enough proof of that.

It was only when she managed to focus better on the things around herself that she noticed the tiny hand resting into hers.

Davy,the young kid who had been following her around before she got sick was there,with her.

The leader almost flung the covers off her and flipped out at the idea that he might get infected just like them,to make sure he was okay,but didn't really have the time to think beyond that when said child woke up and screamed in content at seeing her awake.

"You're awakeeeeee"

"Couldn't leave you like that,now could've I?...What?No school today?"

He grimaced,then tried to smile but it went away pretty quickly as he looked at his mother,lying just besides her.

"What's it,kid?"

"The nice lady said she's not sure my nomi..."

"...if she..?"

Davry nodded,and sulked,crossing his arms and pouting cutely.

She sat up slowly,glad she didn't feel dizzy anymore and finally managed to stand up again. The leader looked aside and slightly limped to the bed occupied by the other woman,keeping the child behind herself with an hand. She had noticed he had a mask so she put it back on his mouth before they could even get closer.

"Heda..."

"There's no...no need to use my titles...right about now I'm Octavia to you"she sat down,beside her.

She had spied the woman getting her oldest to "school" from time to time. She had looked pretty lonely,sometimes worried,sometimes she had even come in to be with them,the Commander had been surprised at the will of some to learn,but it had been welcome,so in turn she had allowed any skaikru,children and not, who wanted to learn trigedaslang to do so.

Octavia wondered how afraid she must have been that something might happen to her family had they been discovered. She was well aware that Davy's mother would've not gotten through it...and it made her feel like she needed to do something. She needed to do it. And it wasn't just because she owed it to this mother and children,but also herself,Bellamy and her mother.

"You figured it out..."she whispered sadly,thinking the destiny of her children was already written.

"I'm sure you're aware where I come from..."

The woman nodded weakly.

"You'd be surprised to know how similar this is to where I my story began...I know you're afraid,and I know what it means to be afraid of this. I knew it might come to this when we came in...and I don't make promises lightly...but I feel like I can be honest to you...so I vow..."

Octavia really tried to not fall apart.

"I vow that whatever happens,your kids will never have to fear anything,they'll always be safe,and no hand will be laid on them from today to my last one,for as long as I shall breathe...and even more."

She leaned above the woman,and tried to listen to everything she meant to say. The name of her baby girl,the hopes she had for her kids' future,how their father had died,that she didn't want them to be alone.

Actually begged her to keep that promise.

The commander felt the woman's breaths getting shallow,slower,more labored. For one second,just for one second...she thought of doing it herself and ending the woman's suffering...despite what some may think she was actually capable of mercy...but she couldn't let go of the woman's hand.

Octavia had chosen to put herself through that,willingly...she had come full circle. To the same situation which had landed her in the Skybox and then down on Earth,the only place where she had ever felt safe and truly at home.

"Yo gonplei ste odon"she shut the woman's eyes while seeking to go back to her emotionless face,but by then trying to hide was hard,and nothing could've stopped her,once she sank to the floor,sobbing like the day her mother had died,once more.

She stroked the woman's hand,already feeling the blow of having lost one of her own.

"Wigod ai op....nomi"after years she was aware there was nothing that could've been done to avoid what had happened,she knew she could've never forgiven who had done it,but if she wanted to carry on she needed to be strong,and be the person her mother would've wanted her to be. But she still felt like she needed it...because somehow Octavia felt like she had let go of her without enough fight...

It really didn't down on her,the little voice in her head sounding a lot like her big brother...till she didn't perceive a tiny chubby hand on her leatherless back.

_I adopted two kids...I just adopted two kids..._

 

 

 

 


	6. Day 2100(Bunker):The training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On year six from Praimfaya Davy gets a special gift....  
> Octavia makes sure he knows what it means.

_The Bunker, Commander's training battery, Year Six, day 2100 since Praimfaya, 2101 since Conclave._

"Keep your guard up...."

"We've been at this for hours..."

He swung the stick left, but Octavia ducked and swung the stick to his feet, sending him sprawled to the floor.

Young eleven years old Davy had been training for quite some time.

He did remember the day he had been first given a stick, when he had started. He had trained with knives, bows, body to body fights.

Today he was ready to have his first sword.

He had spent plenty of time pestering Octavia about it, but he could understand why she hadn't handed him one since training had started. She had wanted him to build his strength up first, learn the basics, then... only then would've she given him a sword.

Some may have found it strange.

When the Commander had taken him in as her own, his friends and companions were not so very far from starting their training, some would've probably skipped some phases, been handed a sword right away... but she had come in first day pointing out what he wanted the trainers to do for him, having him practice twice as much as the others.

Three batteries had been created. One for kids, one for teens, one for experienced adults. Only few were  strong enough to be chosen as trainers, generals and bunker guards.

Even less had the honor to be part of the small group trained by the Commander herself, who according to new laws didn't train nightblida anymore, just very deserving people with blood as red as her own.

Davy remembered Octavia telling him her training had happened in times of war, so she had had to learn it all way more quickly than a newly made soldier, and double her efforts since she was Indra's second in command.

He had put away the look of pure fear she had seemed to display at the idea of losing him, and then the half nod to herself once she had realized she should let him go. Walk his own path.

He remembered following her around the halls during her routine walks, long after curfew, following her long councils, watching as she handed out advices, sentences, and small strategy.

"Don't fight with aggression. Don't reveal your next move before you strike ..."

"And never leave myself exposed... I remember..."

She smiled fondly, zoning out for a moment, then looked back at him worriedly. By now he had learned to read her well enough, to know.

Anybody else would just think nothing of it, but he and his sister knew it all. She was still the one sleeping on the floor, half dressed, and thinking of anybody else but herself.

It was no wonder his beloved sister wanted to be just like her. Precocious as she was, Davy was sure it wouldn't have been long before she had held a sword, herself. And much sooner than him..he was sure and proud of it.

"Davy... are you even listening?"

"Yeah... forgive me... I wasn't paying attention"

"Come with me"

He let go of his weapon and walked by her through some of the maze that was the bunker they lived into.

Sometimes he still struggled to the thought that they had spent so long here. This was all his sister had known, all his sister had ever had.

Davy looked at the woman standing beside him, the one who had been taking care of them for such a long time,and whose eyes were unreadable and often cold. 

He didn't exactly know it all, but he did know that she and his sister shared an horribly similar story. It wasn't fully known to him, and he had never managed to discover more than the known from the bunker stories, no matter how much she liked to tell him about things in general... but he could tell she didn't like to share it.

His sister was alright with whatever she had, but Davy wondered what it would've been like once they had come out of the bunker.

Octavia looked like a caged animal, yet she had lived on earth for one year only.

She was strong, determined, and the girl who had stepped in as "Heda" when Praimfaya had happened had left place to a way stronger woman, but she had been born to live under the light.

Sometimes other grounders would pass around them and call her Skayripa.

He had asked her about it too, but she had refused to tell him and changed topic several times.

He had watched her swallow up many demons of hers and others', he had gotten to watch it all way more closely than anybody else.

Everybody held quite the respect, sometimes fear for her, but he knew when she retreated into the darkness.

Octavia smiled at him.

"What? You don't want to see your gift anymore?"

They had reached what they could call their smithy, the place where he had liked to go watch his people work from time to time.

He couldn't remember his father well, but he did remember his mother telling her about how much he had liked to deal with weapons. Maybe this was what he had been doing before he died.

He had died on their first year in the bunker, in a brawl between him and three other Azgeda. They had found out about his mother being pregnant with his sister, and father had tried to make sure they wouldn't talk.

Before the bunker grounders were used to have plenty of kids around. Now there was a law which said else...

Another subject to not talk about with the woman who had quickly become family.

His father had died, they had been imprisoned and executed.

Nobody else had dared to tell Octavia to act otherwise.

To most they had violated the calm which had been created, others would rather not meet the blade of the Commander for they knew she could be ruthless when she wanted.

He remembered how strange it had been to be told that. His mother hadn't allowed him to come to the execution. Back then he really hadn't known a thing about justice or revenge; nowadays he'd probably be glad to do it himself, thinking back about it.

The Commander picked up a newly made sword.

It was well polished, there were no dents or cuts in it, nobody had ever touched it. She swung it around twice to make sur it was light and well balanced, then handed it to him.

"It's mine?"

"It's yours, it will be with you, it will help you fight your battles, it's the one thing that will save your life."

Her eyes softened.

"Come sit with me..."

They sat on a bench, and she put her hand above the one he was holding the sword with.

"I might have gotten a bit carried away when I drew it for the smiths"

"You drew it?"

"Did you think I'd have let anybody else do it? I know I'm no artist but I think I fared pretty well" she smirked.

Her eyes looked far away, at something that really wasn't there anymore.

"I made sure it'd look as much as my first one. Somebody...my houmon, well he'd have been... he gave it to me... He'd have surely drawn this one better than me..." she giggled, then turned serious again.

"Well, with that blade I trained, I got my revenge. I wielded it in battle... I wanted you to have something that will always remind you of...how grateful I'm I found you"

With childish wonder mixed to fear he turned to look at her, gasping.

"You're not dying, are you?"

She bursted into laughters, a sound only a few people...the closest to her, knew.

"No,not a chance. I'll be pestering you for a very long time, but if it makes you feel better, I'll try not to die anytime soon."

That was all the reassurance he needed.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia,Niylah and the kids share a special moment

_The Bunker,Commander's free tales,Year 4_

" You'll come to bed now? "

" I don't, you know that, Niylah "

" She will still be there in the morning..." smiled the other Trikru at her.

" I know...I want to be there for her..."

Octavia lifted the little girl from the crib and sat on the bed where Niylah was sitting as well.

 "I'm not cut out for this shit Niylah. I know you're good at this... everybody I know is...but it's not the same. I got by while she was  a baby, but she's starting to talk, and she has already started walking. I'll turn around in a bit and she'll be running. She'll want to know things. Things I can't explain to her. I'm not cut out for a kid's needs, all I know is war, and destruction, and death." stated Octavia, dejected.

" You're doing great with Devy. " Nyilah put an hand to her shoulder.

" Plus you can teach her how to hold a sword..."

Octavia laughed and leaned on Niylah's shoulder.

The Commander held the toddler to her chest.

" You' ll be whatever you want to be right? "

The toddler looked at her curiously, smiling and sucking on her thumb.

" What are you smiling for, kiddo? "

The little girl grabbed at her face with her chubby hands and tugged slightly, tracing with a pudgy finger the war paint she had worn for new year's council.

" Ma "

 Niylah giggled covering her mouth before she could burst into laughters.

" No...I'm no...Octavia..I'm Octavia "

" Mama "

Octavia's eyes widened comically, and she almost risked dropping Gabi off her lap.

" But...Niylah ... don't just sit there ... doing nothing "

" I don't... I don't think she's changing..." Niylah snorted " I don't think she'll be changing idea anytime soon ".

Octavia looked down at the kid again.

She laid down on the bed for the first time in circa four years and and stroked the girl's head.

" Alright... I must admit I don't know why you'd ever want me to be your nomon ".

She held the child to arms length looking in her eyes like in an adult conversation.

"... And when you grow up, I'm afraid you might regret it, I'm afraid you might not like me or my choices ... but we'll try to play it safe, ok? I'll try my best to make sure to not disappoint you. To think Bell was the one adopting kids up till a few years ago..."

When she had first gotten into taking care of the two kids she had thought to know what to expect. 

It had been easy with Devi. He had taken to calling her by her name right away, trying to be respectful of both the mother he had lost and the protector he had acquired at the same time.

She had known she would've been a mentor to him. She had taken him under her wing, and from that moment on she had looked after him, but she wouldn't dare replace whom he had lost.

The Commander, however, had never expected this.

The chance somebody might call her their mother, rely on her. It was something she had seen being done, but never done herself.

She would try to teach Gabi to never be afraid, just like her space mother had taught her, and be strong like Indra, who had quickly become the earth one, in all but name.

Octavia didn't even know much about being comfortable or feeling safe anymore , but this was one of the few times in her life in which she had felt like nothing could've happened. Nobody could've come in and disturbed the quiet which had befallen the room.

It had been a long time since they had known any, since she had had nothing to do, but sit down and enjoy something that wasn't politics, bunker control and the drilling voices of the people who once every month brought their complaints to her, according to the needs of the clans.

Just her, Niylah, Gabi ...and... somebody bursted into the room, running and stopping right in front of the bed.

She sat up hurriedly and for one moment she thought a brawl or a rebellion had started, but instead she only spotted the figure of Devi, smiling at the three of them as he plopped on the bed with them.

The 9 years old kid, grinned at her.

" I did nothing "

Octavia shook her head amused and mussed his hair.

" Sure you didn't "

Oh the irony of having adopted two little Azgeda. They were pure mischief, and Devi was behind some of the biggest pranks between the kids. 

Sometimes she duelled on the things that had transpired and she found that for all the fighting the clans had shared there had somehow been a silver lining. She hoped for ones for as many as possible.

All the unexpected had been well accepted in the end. 

For once she felt happy, and that was it.

 

 

 


	8. Day 1760(Bunker):Dissidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The choices of a leader are always hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Folks,here we go again. Here's a little gift for you to celebrate the beginning of 2018. Happy New Year =D

_The Bunker,Year Five, The Dissidents, Day 1760 since Praimfaya, Day 1761 since Conclave._

"I'm just saying that we've made no progress on that front and the day is getting closer" stated Kane worriedly.

"What else should be done, we've been employing half the bunker with digging for an entrance, what else should I do? Ask the kids as well?"

"That would be training for them, wouldn't it?"added Jaha.

"I don't remember ever inviting you here, Thelonius. Especially considering your past as a leader." sentenced Octavia with spite in her voice, after which everybody shut up, instead of keep on screaming at each other.

Jaha glared her way and exited the room, slamming the door shut. The man had spent the last 5 years being nothing but a liability, which she would've gladly gotten rid of had it been for her. 

Enough guards had relied her of his plans. He was trying to get back to control, so he could've had it his own way. Apparently he had laid low just for the sake of the plan.

She didn't know how many he had gathered up, but if she were to guess she'd know right away who would've betrayed her.

Whereas clans like Azgeda had slowly calmed down, especially after the accident with Davy and Gabby's father, and many Skaikru had striked up friendships with the other clans there were still some loose cannons who had never really gotten used to the idea of being the famous 13th clan.

"Council is dismissed" the vice leaders groaned but eventually left.

Only Indra stayed behind with her.

She stood up and paced nervously around the round table, similar to that of King Arthur's, of the office.

Octavia looked at her mentor in deep thought, and raised her head up again, before stating the inevitable.

Those clothes hadn't felt so heavy in years, her hands were sweating, and her brain was trying to wrap around the horrible idea. For a moment, she felt 17 and with the weight of basically the whole world left, on her shoulders, again.

"There's gonna be a mutiny"

"A mut...a mutiny...are you sure?"

"Do you remember the guards we dispatched to the entrance a few months ago?"

"Yes, but I guess they were not just there to check out the opening"

"They weren't .... I found out there was a little group plotting against the whole Council. The guy I sent down to the BunkerBox, and that's it? He tried to kill me in my sleep, last month. Indeed I totally gave them ideas the moment I started. Should've stayed on the floor...I don't want Nyilah and the kids to get hurt."

Indra walked quickly towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her forcefully.

"Why didn't you tell anybody?"

"Why should have I? I can protect myself..."

"If something happens to you there's no way to know what might happen."

"Nothing...nothing is gonna happen to me...I told you I can deal just fine...training is over...I'm not your Second anymore..."

"It doesn't mean a thing, training never ends Octavia, you know that..."

"I said..."

Indra was by definition a very calm and collected woman but she couldn't avoid lashing out at her protegeè when she heard those words.

"Alright, I get it, you're not my Second anymore...and there's nobody who'll be more proud than me..about this, but..."

"Then show it, I've been trying, it never seems to be enough...for anybody" screamed back the Commander.

"You're ... you're mine... as much as Gaya is. You've survived too many wars, and too many battles to lose this one. You've sacrificed way too much to be set aside by these people".

Octavia grimaced at her mentor's words, the woman who had birthed the warrior in her, and nodded.

Indra was the only one who was still allowed to be this truthful and outspoken to her, not even Kane dared to be so anymore.

Only the first shot wiped that beginning of a smile off her face.

* * *

 

Octavia ran outside of the office to see a blonde teenager pointing a gun at a little crowd.

The guy had been under Jaha's wing ever since they had selected those who should stay in the bunker. She had tried several times to get him to join the training, and become part of the army, but he had always been deadset on spending his whole time with Jaha.

Now she knew why.

Had he put that much of an interest into being in the army, he could've even ended up being a good soldier, maybe even a Guard.

Being in a bunker really hadn't changed her habits, so she unsheated one of her swords and walked downstairs with Indra towards the middle of the commotion.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, child?"

"I'll have your head. I vowed this to myself the day you killed my father".

"Sorry to say your dad sorta chose his own destiny, especially after what he did. Do you know the only thing he was good at was complaining?" she stated, smirking.

He waved the gun at her as he spoke.

"What do you think? That I'm afraid of using it?"

She put her sword down and raised her hands up.

"Here. I'm sure you're not. C'mon, show me. "

At that point two other shooters materialized from the crowd and shot in the air. The crowd started scattering, trying to get away from the bullets, while the guards jumped into action. 

Most managed to get to safety upstairs, others fell down, and Octavia could only hope they were still alive and holding on.

She looked at the kid's left side. He had left it open for her to attack. Something he'd have known, had he accepted to take at least some lessons when the time had come.

The Commander jumped into action quickly tackling him to the floor, while the gun went off on it's own.

She grabbed it and threw it as far as she could before punching him with enough force to make him pass out.

She then stood back up, and slid towards her sword again, grabbing it expertly.

She run towards the second shooter, who shot towards her.

Before she could even try to duck she saw a flesh of colors in front of herself, then felt her body hit the floor, one above hers.

Indra slid off her and Octavia had the chance to see the damage the other man had done. Her eyes burned with revenge.

She heard screaming, her own this time around,and then they get together, as she flung herself towards him. Octavia brought him down with the hilt of her sword before turning it again and stabbing him.

She brought the sword down on him several times, like an unforgivable whip, till he wasn't moving anymore.

The Commander watched the third one try to slide out between the crowd and run towards him, she was the hunter he was the prey.

Bloodied and bruised she looked for him. Somehow she had been grazed by one of the bullets, but not even then did it hurt that much... she had other things to take care of first.

Her eyes usually warm and more understanding than they should've been at times, were murderous and vengeful again.

It was a burning feeling Octavia hadn't perceived in years. She had spent a long time living with nothing but her vengeful thoughts, and the following years trying to get them out of her mind, trying to work out a way to get better, to feel better... but right at that moment, one more time, young Octavia came back to her, asking for the revenge her younger self had served rightfully so at the time, then put aside to be what her people, her responsability, needed her to be.

When she was over The Commander could only see blood around herself. 

Whether it was her own or the bastards she had killed, she sat down and tried to think about what to do next.

She was caught at first by the sight of a few bodies lying lifeless on the floor, and the inconvenience of having to bury people once again. Not because of the burial in itself but mostly because by now they were all somehow family.

Then she spotted the place where Indra had been lying on the floor, and leaned back on the wall; it had been a close call. Too much.

"Octavia...Octavia" she whipped her head around only when she heard Davy calling for her.

"Davy. What's going on?"

"Come with me."

The kid grabbed her hand and basically dragged her towards the infirmary. Luckily none of the kids had been there during the shooting.

At first she thought it was because of Indra, and she felt sick at the idea that something might have happened while she had been trying to take survey of the damage caused by the dissidents. It almost killed her to think she might have not been there when her mentor had needed her the most.

Yet when they finally got to the infirmary the first thing she saw was something that made her angry and ready to bring back those kids just to get rid of them all over again.

_Nyilah._

Darn had those two begged while she did what she did, and for a moment Octavia had been tempted to spare them and give them the same treatement they had been given on the Ark, but then she had remembered that the treatement had been to either let them rot in jail or float them into space. She shall have no mercy for them,either.

Neither of them was a minor anymore. She couldn't do anything about that.

Jaha's spawn had gotten away with it, but if he couldn't pay with his life then Jaha would've paid in his place.


	9. By the law of the Commander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justice must be served. Changes happen, once again.

_Two days after the shooting..._

It was a sort of moment that Octavia wouldn't have wanted to miss out for anything in the world.

For years she had just been waiting for the moment she would've gotten back to Jaha and made him pay for all the pain he had put the whole Ark through, and not just her.

There was no such thing as floating in the bunker, but death by a 1000 cuts had never truly been abolished, not even when Lexa had died. Some things one must hold onto... even that one.

The Commander sharpened her blade as she looked towards the execution pole.

It had been built just that morning. Just a few hours and Jaha's power would've ended. All he had been and all the pain he had caused, nothing but a memory.

Of course she'd have liked to find a way to forget, but Octavia knew her nature told her otherwise. While she could try and forget, nothing could've ever made her forgive. If she had forgiven then all the people she had lost would've been dead for no reason. 

At night, sometimes, she would dream of her mother. Up till a few hours prior she had.

Mother never said a word, ever. But she looked good, expecially last night. She looked a brand of happy which had to be more her own than her mother's properly. Aurora Blake had been gone for almost a decade after all. 

A thousand parts of hers floating in the neverending universe, waiting for something, somewhere to stop, a place that could never be found.

Her mother was nothing but dust. Like the dead particles of a star. 

Maybe wherever Bellamy was he could actually see her...or whatever was left of her. Maybe he'd be comforted by the presence.

Gods, wherever they were and if they existed, knew she took no comfort in it anymore. No matter the thing she had branded as love towards her mother.

Octavia left the main square to reach the infirmary.

* * *

 

Six victims,several injured. Two of the people she loved the most were between them.

Nyilah was slowly recovering, luckily she had just been grazed, but Indra was still fighting between life and death. In a coma.

Octavia had never seen her quite so pale, so beaten up.

Indra had held on through many injuries in the battlefield, and now this. Gaya had spent days by her side, and only parted ways that morning to go pray somewhere quieter, maybe to save her mother's soul at last.

She sat by Niylah.

"Hey you're here. Thought we were done with the whole thing after the big epidemy of year two."

The Commander surprised herself with touching the other woman's hand, and pressed a thumb between her knuckles.

"Yeah well, things can never be quite easy here in the big bunker of OneKru.... I got...you scared me. I had never seen you like this. I know you were just grazed, you know I've dealt with every sort of thing, but do me a favor....never do it again."

Niylah looked her in the eyes, and nodded.

"I promise...I'll never do it again."

Octavia stood up and sat on her bed, while Niylah propped herself on her elbows, letting out an hiss as she leaned on her injured right arm.

"Stay where you are, hero."

Octavia sat on her bed and laid a peck on her lips.

It had been five years since she had last felt something even remotely close to this. 

It wasn't the lips or the heat, not what the body felt. It was the trust, and the faith, and the happiness she had missed.

She remembered what it felt like to sit in front of a fire by Lincoln's side, and train with him, and take care of each other, and then run into the middle of a battle and hear the shooting of the guns and the clash of swords.

That Trishanakru guy had been nothing but distraction. She almost felt sorry for him too. But sometimes she still felt bitter towards him over the things he had done.

Octavia had never really denied it. There had been a moment in which she had really wanted to die. Something she didn't want anymore, but the dude had never been able to take a hint.

Nyilah was nothing like that.

No Lincoln, that's what she meant. She hadn't trained for a day, she had been born into caring for other people, cause she was a doctor, she didn't do guns nor swords, though guns had done a lot of damage in both their lives.

But for the first time in five years her heart didn't feel so hollow anymore.

She would've missed Lincoln for the rest of her life. Nobody would've compared, she'd never have given her heart to anybody the way she had done with him, and she was pretty sure Nyilah knew that. 

"You deserve better....I'm sorry...I shouldn't have been so reckless".

She went to stand up, but Niylah grabbed her arm before she could take a single step, before guiding her gently back down onto the bed.

" Octavia, I know" her face fell. But at least Niylah knew as well.

"I know...it will never be the same. I believe that we're all destined to be with somebody for the rest of our life, and I know sometimes that's not the way it is. I'm not asking you to give me your heart, because I know you'll never be able to give it like that ever again ... I'm asking you to see there's somebody here willing to be with you for who you are, whatever this is that we have".

"I'm sorry ... fuck that's all I can say... I'm sorry... it feels like you always get stuck as a second choice. I want you to know you aren't. And all I can do is feeling guilty. I feel guilty because you deserve better, you deserve better than somebody who can only give you whatever is left of their broken heart, and only part of their soul because the other is gone. They're both in shambles anyways. And I feel guilty because I like you and I shouldn't...I shouldn't cause I'm betraying him. I'm still here, and he's gone..."

At which point Octavia did something she hadn't done in years.....

She cried. 

Out of shame, guilt, regret, pain and so many other feelings that seemed to be ripping whatever was left of her heart out of her chest.

Nobody had ever held her again after Lincoln. She had never let anybody do it again. Not in a way that went beyond brotherly love, anyways.

Niylah fell silent. 

No words could've fixed whatever was broken. But she felt it was her job to at least try to make it better.

* * *

 

Cheers erupted from the crowd as she entered the room.

It was filled to the brim as everybody, literally everybody except for the injured, were waiting for the monster to be executed, by her very own hands.

They quieted as she reached the pole he was tied to. They had roughed him up pretty good in the cells. She was glad, but also sad she hadn't gotten to do it herself.

"Extreme gestures call for extreme measures. As one united Kru we must look out for each other and it's my primary job to keep you safe. Two days ago we were attacked and were able to stop the madness just in time, though I regret not having been faster. But I swore I would've brought the Guilty back to you and I did. This man is not deserving of the spot he occupies, and the oxygen he stelas from others. A spot he took from somebody more deserving than him, which I still regret today. So I shall give you the chance to show what you feel towards this monster."

She made a gesture to show them the way was free and stepped aside.

A lot of grounders unsheated their knives and swords and walked towards the pole, gritting their teeth and looking more murderous than ever.

Octavia smiled as the first hit went in and only when there were at least an 100 cuts on him did she dare to step in herself. She took satisfaction in every breath she stole from him, every hiss of pain and everytime he tried to put a defiant smile on she'd wipe it off with her whip.

He didn't seem to be wanting to give up, and she was glad for that, because they would've gotten to inflict all the 1000 cuts as he deserved them.

She cut through his face till his eyes were shut and he looked more like a monster than ever. 

It was a work of art. A masterpiece. A canvas. She'd have remembered the moment forever, it was one of her happiest.

She committed to her memory everything till he wasn't on his knees, fully stabbing at him. 

Only then did he beg for his death... but Octavia felt nothing, if not the typical rush of a good kill. He was nothing but dirt under her and everybody else's boots.

He deserved to beg after everything he had done.

Only then did she stop and look at their work of art, as it felt to her.

Everybody surrounded the pole but took a couple of steps back. It was her moment to finish him. But she halted just a moment to look at the perfection of such an execution. Smiled at the blood and the pain, and finally he wasn't wearing that smile anymore.

She wanted him to remember this and take it to the hell he'd have reached in a few minutes.

"I want you to remember every single second of it. If it were for me I'd have left you to be tortured a couple of days more...would've done it myself, but I guess this is how it was supposed to end. Yet I find incredible satisfaction in this situation."

She grabbed roughly at his face as she shoved her sword into all the cuts she could see.

"Would you have ever said that someday we'd have been here and I'd have finally gotten to get rid of you once and for all, and bring an end to your bullshit? I want you to take all this to whatever hell you're going to and burn into it till the end of time. Say hi to that bastard of Pike when you see him. Tell him...tell him I got my revenge...and that not even in death there will be a place for you to hide from me".

Stated Octavia, angrily.

With that she shoved her sword into his gut through and through and twisted the blade into his body, 'till he wasn't screaming and she wasn't laughing.

After a few minutes of struggling he suddenly let go and slumped forward with his whole weight, 'till he wasn't slipping down to the floor.

Octavia looked to her right as the kid he had adopted, chained to a nearby pole, watched. 

The Commander smiled at him openly, she wasn't about to hide her excitement over the asshole's death.

It came out as a sort of warning and also incredible pride.

Anyone who didn't know Octavia, and there really weren't any people in the world who could've said so, might have thought she had suddenly lost her mind and this had been the last moment of a long fall which had started years prior, but those who did, expecially the closest ones knew different.

They knew the story, the story behind her bitterness. She was looking for revenge and revenge wasn't for the crazy. Revenge was for those who still had the strength and mind to plan one.

She stepped out of the way and raised her sword for everybody to see and all the people cheered back at her raising their swords as well. 

There it was...Justice.


	10. Tales of Memori:Year 1 of 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Here's a new chapter for you all guys.  
> You may have noticed we've momentarily shifted location and characters(if you have prompts or requests etc, ask as much as you wish for.  
> The chapters don't follow a chronological sequence in time or place,unless necessary,even though I do have plan about how many to write). Let's see what's happenin for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention please:this chapter is definitely something different, and I thought of writing it for a ship, Memori, me and a very nice reviewer are quite fond of. Enjoy!

"Emori, get back here".

The grounder puffed and turned around, crossing her arms on her chest.

"You're impossible, John Murphy..."

She turned to leave. What a day.

It was already bizarre enough to live in just six on a giant ring in the middle of space, but now she had to do this too.

"I can't believe it. You're a grown up adult, and you want me to be involved in this."

The nerve the man had.

Most of the times they clicked right away. Emori was sure that they had met and gotten together for a reason, that the world had conspired a big way to bring them to do so( sometimes she questioned the whole universe's plan with her patience), but this...oh...this was way more.

It was like following step in their relationship.

Not like a kiss, or throwing smiles around, or flirting, not even like havin sex, this was a true show of love, at least to the man sitting right in front of her. 

Apparently so it had been before the world went through two praimfaya and sort of imploded on itself, without destroying Earth, luckily.

John had said so, during one of those boring days at the beginning of their stay, while he told her more of the stay at Becca's bunker, when they really had nothing to do, and Emori was very curious of the skaikru/old ways.

Guys had valued it as one of the biggest shows of love from a lover, girls had either enjoyed it, or loathed it 'till the end of their days.

It had been either black or white, never grey.

Emori didn't know what to think.

It seemed to be easy to touch and handle, though it had definitely seen better days, and John made it look as if he had been doing it for his whole life, nonetheless all the limitations the Ark's policy had put him and many others through over the years.

Bellamy really didn't think much of it, a leader was always a leader.

He had just smirked, in a very sarcastic way at her confusion, and left. He had had a fond look in his eyes, maybe some sort of memory linked to his sister and them as children. 

She really missed her brother sometimes.

Said so the others had reacted more or less this way:...

-Echo had scoffed and rolled her eyes, so much Emori swore she would've ended up turning blind, someday.

-Raven thought there were things which were way better than that.

-Harper and Monty had already had their chance and were pretty satisfacted with it.

"Emori, just this one. I'll teach you, come on...when will we ever get the chance again?"

They had found it in the middle of the Go-Sci ring, God knew whatever had happened to it to be left there in that place, but Raven had happily fixed it, before going back to her duties of only mechanic on board.

And damn...John Murphy knew he was close to convincing his girlfriend.

Emori puffed once more and sighed, before sitting on one of their favorite chairs, right beside him.

He handed her the odd object with a hopeful look.

He looked like a kid who had just handed her his birthday gift to show her and everybody how cool it was.

"Just once" she hurried to say.

Her reputation could not be ruined like that, nevermind nobody but the other 5 people with them could've seen them.

"You'll love it..."

She looked up, and smiled in a determined way.

She then stole a kiss from John before turning back to the big screens in the room which had been used to control the whole Ark.

"Alright, let's do this, bitch".

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Defeat was hard to accept, jokes were like a cross to bear,and from that day on, no matter how convincing John freaking Murphy was....Emori never played with an old and dated playstation ever again.

 


	11. Letters of the Commander:Year 6(Bellamy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letter Octavia writes to Bellamy on the sixth year mark since Praimfaya(the one quoted in The "Six years later" chapter

_Dearest Bellamy,_

_It has been six years since we last saw each other._

_I could use plenty of common places to say all the things I need to say,but I think "I miss you and you're late"will be enough._

_It takes a village...to grow,to pull things forward,to live through hardships,but amidst all these things I feel like I've finally found peace,while everybody else is getting restless._

_I get them,you know? I never really got used to darkness, but it never really left me either, and that must be why a day more here is just a hitch on the walk to meeting again._

_You'll find there are things which are pretty different, but it's still very much me._

_The kids have grown a lot since the last time I spoke to you._

_Davy nd Gabby train everyday, and we're all proud of their progresses, maybe they'll go as far as to compete in the Conclave someday, though it would never be my idea to let them fight together. They've already lost enough in this life and at such a young age to go through that too._

_But..I'll try to live long enough to not see that happen._

_I've thought a lot about those days since you left._

_I've pondered the whys and the hows and the whos,but you must know I was never alone. Not really._

_We'll figure it out, you'll see. Maybe we're not perfect, but I believe in these people, and finally there are people who believe in me, people who for the last six years have faught by my side to start rebuilding._

_We may not be on the outside yet, but we've found new systems to get us through the days, systems which might be helpful on the outside as well._

_It might sound odd to you but I'm glad I stayed._

_Sometimes I still feel as if I were trapped, but the Bunker got it's perks, even for the Lady Commander._

_We've been through too many wars, to just give up because we're an year late._

_I know you're the only person left on this earth and beyond I'd wait for forever, I know you'll always find me, because that's like you, that's in your nature, we're a part of each other no matter how far we were before that last day together._

_Somehow I've gotten through it, I could never let go of one of the few people who understand me... but you also know a part of me will  always be angry and nonetheless everything you're still here._

_I must have spent way too much in here, pondering over problems and letters, but these letters are some of the few things which have kept me calm and collected for so long. I just wish we hadn't had to be separated for so long to do so._

_You never really get used to the absence of the people you love....but you learn to live with it, even though you're always missing something, always devided in half between what was and what is and thinking about what might me._

_Yet the future is here, I can feel it, you'll be back with me very soon, and we'll be reunited again._

_O._


	12. Bunkers n Babies(Bunker)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another moment in the life of O and Niylah(around year 5,but before the shooting).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is inspired to this prompt:a young sibling(in this case O's adoptive daughter)proposes a game where A is the princess and B is the knight in shining armor, and everything starts from there.

It had it's virtues...to have kids.

Days were much lighter if you had kids around, when you had an entire population to direct.

Octavia didn't always get to spend time with them, so whenever she could, she'd make up for it and make sure nobody would bother her with Commander/Bunker/Future plans burocracy.

In the years they had been inside she had managed to elect a council, put up a school which worked to both give an instruction in the art of war and also usual subjects, a greenhouse pretty similar to the one she had been relied the Ark had in space, a bunkerbox and pretty much a plan of action for the next decade which covered most of the areas anyways.

Yet spending time with the kids was the best time of the days.

Saturdays were for them only.

But this...

Niylah looked like she was one step from dying from laughters, and Devy was doing his best not to.

Gabby however looked delighted by what she had managed to do and turn the room into.

"Ya the princ'ss mama"

Octavia puffed and accepted the little crown, always one step from falling off her head, without saying a word.

She had been hoping to teach her the noble art of the sword very soon, but the child really didn't care much yet.

Yet or never. Octavia was really hoping for just yet.

But the kid looked like she was willing to spend a lifetime to learn from Niylah already.

Octavia smirked.

Not that she minded.

She was sure Niylah could've done good by her if that was what she wanted to do. But the kid would've learned the basics anyways. 

She could try to stay alive, but as much as she spent everyday reassuring herself and everybody else there was nothing to fear she was not immortal.

Someday Octavia would've kicked the famous bucket too, but she was hoping for it to be very late in life, when the kids...those kids she finally felt were her own, would've been old enough to fend for themselves.

A Commander was no God.

She had faught very much for them all to understand, that any soldier was fallible ... she wanted to make things better... but they needed to work it out on their own because a Commander could fall... but her teachings... those were meant to stay.

"Niylah is tah kni..tah knigh..."

"The knight,honey, or knightess, I guess..." added Octavia,laughing.

"Yeah, jus' dat!"

"Niy, 'ya save her...cause she was trappeded by the other bunker's evil people"

The other bunker was actually MW, and Gabby only knew it by Octavia's accounts, it was one of her favorite tales, mainly because it involved her mama kicking some serious ass.

Of course a very altered version of it, which excluded and put aside plenty of violent particulars, which Octavia never though she'd have had to hide from anybody, least of all a kid who someday would've called her mom.

But Gabby often liked to twist things around ... it was like she wanted Octavia to sit down for one moment and let somebody else take care of her.

It had been too long since somebody had known how to.

But they managed to recreate the story, Niylah provided with a wood sword which was usually for the youngest kids at school and Octavia patiently sitting and waiting for her girlfriend to save her.

"And the day was saved again, that right kiddo?"

Gabby nodded and hugged them both.

O lifted her up and flung her high in the air.

She fake pretended the sound of plane engines although she had never heard one in her life if not her brother's when they were kids.

He had learned so in school, and taught her about the sounds of the Ark as well.

"Honey, be careful..."

"Niylah. I won't drop her...see? What do I always say, Gab?"

"That mama will always be here to protect us ... and she won't dropt me cause she's supah strong"

"You're a charmer kid ... how would you like to have Niylah braid? your hair...mm?How about that?" added Octavia, sitting her on her knees.

The kid nodded and made grabby hands at the other woman, who gladly picked her up.

She sat her on the bed and right behind her.

Gabby turned around to look at the blonde woman and beamed at her.

"Niylah?"

"Yes, honeybunch?"

"Can you be my mommy?"Octavia's eyes widened as sauces, while the brush fell out of Niylah's hands.

The Commander walked up to the bed and sat in front of them before looking up at the child.

"You really want that kiddo?"

Gabby nodded vigorously.

She could see all that Niylah was feeling just by looking in her eyes. If she had been able to touch her she could've totally felt her heart pounding.

Octavia knew just by experience. It was what she had felt the day Gabby had called her the same.

Niylah looked at her with teary eyes, but Octavia really couldn't help her, it was her own moment...

"If this is what makes you happy, honey, then yes, absolutely..."

She looked around herself and watched as Devy bobbed his head happily, while Niylah hidingly wiped away a few tears.

That was always what family felt like.

 

 


	13. Day 2192(Bunker):A Midspring Night's Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An odd dream keeps on plaguing our O.

_Chains rattled against the wall._

_Odd sounds, unknown smells and metallic taste in the mouth._

_They would keep on talking then suddenly go quiet._

_Always to the stranger's language._

Octavia turned and twisted in her bed as she tried to get away from the nightmare plaguing her sleep.

Being the Commander was exhausting enough, but not even getting those hours of sleep made things impossible and hard for her.

Night walks would usually help, but there were times when it got too cold and it would seep into her bones, up to her brain...she wouldn't even be able to think straight about all the things she had to do.

And it was always the same freaking dream, had been for the past week.

They had finally started benefitting from all the digging and mining they had been doing, managed to find out they had actually been pushed some meters down, but the opening seemed to be clearing up a lot more than before.

Yet her sleeping pattern hadn't been doing any better.

It was making her crazy.

_"Octavia....Octavia....Octavia"_

_The voice spoke her name again and again...and she was sure to have heard it._

_It was something she had heard for months on end, for almost an year._

_When she woke up in the morning, and at night before going to sleep, throughout battles and hardships, up till a couple of minutes before he was snatched from her, and every chance to save him too._

_Octavia spotted him right beside her, just a few feet away._

_There was a lot of blood on him, but his eyes were as kind as they had always been, his clothes cacked with the mud there had been on the grounds of Arkadia on the day of his, more like their, execution._

_The day where a part of her had parted ways with this Earth._

_He touched her cheek._

_"You can get through this..."he stated surely, before kissing her softly._

She woke up with a jolt, looking around the dark room.

Still on her bed, she hadn't bothered anyone actually. Luckily they were all still sleeping.

Lincoln had come to her in a dream.

After so many years, and so many struggles, he had come to her once more, like at the very beginning.

Octavia hadn't had any sort of dreams for so long.

Her sleep had been coated in black, red at the best, hardly with any people, and rarely and very unluckily with the people she loved.

He had been speaking a warning. 

Warned her about danger...unknown to her as whatever they might find outside once they had come out of the Bunker, to see what the world had become.

But, what was there to lurk in the dark?

There had already been a mutiny, with a shooting. There had already been an epidemy, and some mild collapses at the entrance.

The earth had kept on falling over their refuge years after the disaster.

What was she to believe? To take for truth?

She resolved to being incredibly paranoid.

The world had changed, but once they had been given a chance, they could've tried to rebuild.

They had engineers, they had doctors, they had all sorts of workers and covered every necessary profession, people skilled to work on a greenhouse which after the bump of the epidemy had been getting stronger, they had soldiers, they had everything.

Everything and everybody would've been useful to work some humanity back onto their Earth.

Octavia looked at the corner where the special clock was.

It was the only clock which had been constructed with the sole purpose to actually count the days they were spending in the bunker.

2992.

As the clock struck the Midnight.

She settled to look at the kids and make sure they were sleeping soundly, before laying back down in her bed, and turned around to look at Niylah, then restlessly back at the ceiling.

Through layers of concrete, she imagined to step back foot on earth, running in the woods and training on the field.

Octavia imagined days of sun, and violet flars lighting up the sky.

She thought of soft hands on her hips, keeping her steady, holding her up when she felt too low.

And kisses, and love making, and swords.

And sparrings, and conclaves, and promises.

She imagined two sweet eyes looking back at her, while a smile graced his soft lips.

Of a peace of mind she had waited for for so long, without finding it, till she hadn't started fighting for some happiness to get back into her life.

'Till she hadn't decided to wake up one morning and try to live again.

It had been the same day she had woken up to half of her bed being empty and cold, trying to be optimistic over her family's condition.

She had barely felt her wound stinging from time to time. It was a graze, and she had dealt with worse.

But she couldn't have dealt with this all over gain.

She wondered if Lincoln would be willing to give it to her... that peace of mind ... or if she'd ever be willing to give it to herself.

If she'd ever wake up one day and decide that was the day she could've finally forgiven herself for something she had been told over and over to not be her fault.

Octavia had never dared to scream at those who told her, like Marcus or Abby, she knew deep inside they were right, yet it still felt to soon to admit to it.

Her punishment was neverending...because she could've never lived the life she thought she would've had, but she also was afraid to lose the stability she had slowly been able to rebuild for herself, and subsequently the people who trusted her judgement to always make the right call.

But Octavia would never let go.

She'd never let go of what had been.

Forgiven herself if she had felt like to, but never forgotten or forgiven the monster who had taken Lincoln away from her, that she had promised, and she'd always hold onto it...with her body, soul and heart if she had had to.

 

 

 


	14. The AfterShooting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation to the After-Shooting events.  
> Octavia reflects over her relationship with Niylah and the strong bond that links her to Indra, since they met.  
> And what's going to be of her mentor?

"Mommy, you're awake".

Octavia heard the kids coming their way, as they approached Niylah's bed.

They had been kept far from most of it, but they were still Grounder kids, they couldn't be kept too far away from where the people they loved were.

So they both climbed on the bed and laid by the other woman's side.

Niylah had almost been taken away from them, forever.

Octavia might feel like she didn't measure up to the big standars the kids had most of the times, but she also liked to think that at least her girlfriend was pretty capable of keeping up with their expectations.

She had been afraid to look into the room just about three days prior.

The reality that two people she loved might be snatched away from her so cruelly going through her mind at every waking hour, while at night she'd twist her brains to find a good reason to not turn the table upside down and scream at her luck, or rather the great lack of it, which had kept on accompaning her since the day she had been born.

Niylah was the only one to have been successfull at trying to heal her.

She wouldn't be fully healed, she wasn't so stupid or innocent to think she would've ever fully healed.

The scars, physical and in her heart, would've always been there to remind her she was damaged goods.

Condemned to be stuck into a cage of demons, she could've never truly freed herself from.

Nobody should be condemned to be with her.

Still for some reason Niylah had chosen her back, just as Lincoln once had, and she wasn't so willing to find out what it would feel like to live without her.

For some reason, destiny had chosen to give her two kids as well, and she wasn't about to screw that up, either.

Octavia would often wonder if that was the sort of destiny that every Commander had had to face while guiding their people.

To feel so alone and misureunderstood.

If they had ever even had the time to grasp onto the concept of being damnated to feel incredibly lonely even in a crowded room, and no matter how many loved ones they had by their side.

Still some blessings would come her way from time to time.

And that ... seemed to be enough.

* * *

 As Octavia sat watching her little family she thought there were still some incredible things worth fighting for.

Around the fifth day after the shooting the Commander finally found another reason to believe things weren't all bad for her.

Indra had woken up.

Although shaken, and sometimes out of it, her mentor was regaining her strength and color and the temper which had always characterized her since before they had met.

Octavia liked to think she had taken the best from that strength and turned it into a way to fight for what made people one, for what moved them into a battle for their lives and for the people they cared for.

"You'll never shield me with your body, ever, again. Have I made myself clear enough?"

Indra looked at her but kept her mouth shut, while they entered a sort of staring contest.

The General nodded, but then turned away for a bit.

So Octavia knew...

No, she was more than sure, that Indra wouldn't have kept her promise, at all.

But she had faught many battles and wars. She had survived a slaughter at Arkadia, and the explosion in TonDC.

Octavia wasn't about to let her go over a gun wound.

Nobody else would've gotten a bullet in their brain, or anywhere else, for this neverending war.

Either with others or with he world trying to kill them at every turn.

Most of all, nobody else would've died for her or some sort of heroic need to save what couldn't be saved.

The Commander lowered her head, as she held the General's hand.

Relief filled her thinking they had been given another chance.

For how much life might throw hardships at their family, there was always a reason to stand back up and go fight the good fight. 

Be te people they wanted and had dreamed to be, everyday.

The Bunker had been a chance to learn many things.

Things that a younger self had probably reflected upon from time to time while hiding in the Ark, or even riding her horse during the most boring and inactive of days, or straight into battle, but never really grasped onto those concepts 'till a new Praimfaya hadn't come to them, demanding for all the destruction that not even the first one had brought.

"Then you'll have no problem with me trying to do the same for you .... and I won't take no as an answer ... you're my responsability now, the same way I once was yours..." for one moment she thought of Bellamy, stuck stars and stars away from her.

She had never considered herself his responsability, because Octavia had always wished for freedom and doing her own experiences, but knowing Bellamy would've always had her back had been quite the incentive to put into perspective what she wanted to be.

Being accepted for who she was had finally made her believe she could truly make it.

So when the right time had come he had let her go.

For that she'd forever be thankful to him...when they had gotten to earth she hadn't imagined a day when she'd have had to necessarily live without her brother, and neither had he, she hoped. 

Not so much because of the protection, she didn't need any...but for the comfort that being close had always brought them even when they were too young to understand the magnitude of the secret they were carrying, together with their mother.

Yet, it had already been five long years.

Octavia would never probably get Indra to convince herself of the fact that she needed to let her Second go, still, she was somehow fine with it. 

Just like in the past, as if the world had never truly changed, and they were just a General and her Second, being rescued from her life of before and finding home between the Grounders. 

"You're my family, Okteivia Kom OneKru".

The Commander lowered her eyes to the floor, as she remembered similar words being spoken to her when she was just a child looking for something to belong to.

" Hope you won't disown me after this one".

Indra glared at her, before grimacing...

"Hope Gaia won't disown us...after this one" stated Octavia, before bursting into a fit of laughters, earning her a pretty legendary full smile from her mentor.

Octavia didn't mention it, just to be sure...but seeing it was enough.

 

 


	15. Day 730(Bunker):Two years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter based upon what Marie said at Unity Days about O trying to contact Bellamy.

Octavia had never fully stopped trying to reach out for her brother.

It had been two full years since the last time she had heard his voice, but the resolution to find him had never quite gone away or left her. It never would've left her, even if it had taken her more than five years to find him and have him back in her life.

They had tried to fix everything.

Fix the radio, fix the computers, fix the tiniest of cables all around, things which sent her crazy because some were truly good at engineering things and still not good enough to help her get back to the one person who had always been there for her.

From normal language up to even morse code on radio, which they had fished back from some books which had been spared by Praimfaya, she had tried everything to talk to him. To get to him.

Still no answer.

She wondered if he had ever tried to do the same.

If he had managed to fix up some stuff up there and was still trying to find her, to talk to her, but with the same results, 'cause even if he had managed to fix the radio, she'd have still been stuck into a big vacuum of silence, in which she had no chance to hear from him.

Octavia had wished many times for his guidance. For his help and love.

She felt more lost as the days went by.

She'd do that, and be their leader, because she had been chosen.

She had been thrown into it without half a word, when all she had wanted was to help them be OneKru, she knew she could do and wanted to do good by them, but she would never fully embrace the role of Leader.

She hadn't expected so much to come from it.

She had been born to fight.

To be on the field, to battle for her and everybody else's life.

To see blood and dirt, and smoke, and be coated in them all together, but never make the call from above.

The Commander in charge had seen what this sort of power or similar ones had done to other people.

It had destroyed them, twisted them into something different...darker...there had been plenty who had fallen into it before Praimfaya came to collect the price of men's selfishness and self-centeredness.

She didn't want to be like them...yet everyday she could feel herself slipping into it... and accepting it, as if she had never fully abandoned her role on the outside.

Octavia still felt like Skairipa. Death from above. Ready to bring the dark justice where it was needed.

But would the darkness have overcome her, or would've she been able to overcome it.

If she was standing between light and darkness, was she so willing to renounce to the one thing... the darkness... which had made her feel safe after Lincoln's death?

Was she willing to renounce to the only companion, save for death, she had left?

 


	16. Day 1770 (Bunker):The collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another dangerous situation makes Octavia think of a new solution, a solution which is gonna change them all somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Warning:Mentions of cannibalism.  
> -Kabby makes an appareance.

With a military march, Octavia slipped through the hallways up to the entrance  where some workers were evaluating the damage.

Last night the ground had once again collapsed above them.

There had literally been an earthquake. As unexpected and bad as it could've been.

Octavia was pretty sure that another piece of Polis had fallen upon them.

They were completely buried.

It had been five years, and they finally were fully buried. 

They had tried to even bomb the entrance and the opening had caved on them, burying several people under it.

It honestly looked like a mess and something must have leaked in as well. The type of materials nobody wanted to breath and fill their bodies with.

It had been five years so the danger had considerably gone down, but the fact that things such as earthquakes were still happening meant that the world truly had never gone back to it's old self.

Just as the first time around, but with a lot more trouble.

It had also wiped out Polis.

And if Polis, the city of the Commander, the most resistent one to trouble was out of the equation, then whatever minor city or village there was, wasn't even to wonder about. They were all gone.

The tents, the houses, the old world's objects, up to the big statue in Lincoln's village.

The one she had laid under, with the utmost certainty that her being 17 and supposed to still have a life to live for, wouldn't have spared her from dying right there.

It was before she had picked up a sword with the intention to be more than just protecting her bother, it was before Lincoln was taken from her the first time around, it was just...a world before.

Everything they knew from the old days was gone, wiped out, as if it had never fully happened, never truly existed to begin with.

Yet Octavia could remember that life from before, it had slipped away from her daily, and in the only hours she could still make sense of things she spent her time remembering the past, even particulars, as small as they were, of things which were far long gone from her grasp, see if they could've helped her be a better guide.

To see to never forgetting what had made her who she was for good and for bad.

Truth was she had given up on being kind a long time ago.

Some lessons could only be learned by lashing out the right amount of punishment for the people who deserved it.

"What state are we in?"

"The whole entrance has collapsed and I think there might be some dead and fatally injured." added Kane.

"Any chance some might come out alive? Abby?"

The woman looked down and shook her head.

There was a way to get them out, but they were mostly doomed and Octavia already knew what that meant.

They had easily found out ways to make food, make medicines, get into engineering, but the amount of food had gone down over the years.

Time was running out for them, if it hadn't already.

It hit her like a ton of bricks .

The hours she had spent listening to Bellamy and her mother's stories as a child, and all the horrible methods that human beings had had to resort to in order to survive or simply because they had been deceived into doing so.

Like Agamemnon walked straight into a trap, or the Wendigo who had craved for human flesh to survive.

For years they had stored dead people into fake fridge cells, by using what poor electricity  the Bunker still had. The oldest had fallen into decomposition, but the new ones were still relatively intact...still good enough to be....

She was actually pondering something like that....

The cells had given out just a few days prior, it was as if the Bunker were fully falling apart on porpuse.

All the stuff they had used for years was either gone, broken, or in need of serious repairement.

Food was running low, little riots were still happening all around, and the number of cells had been reduced notably, mostly because they were makeshift cells, rooms which had been turned into prison cells, by squeezing more than the usual four or five people into a normal room way back in year two.

It was and felt dishuman to even think about it.

After the Riot things had quiet fallen apart.

The old Azgeda-Trikru conflict had resurfaced, Skaikru was at odds with at least half the clans, and Octavia was fed up pretty much with most of the people in her Council. They truly were freaking umbearable.

Half asking for stupid things they couldn't even provide, half trying to spark up a new conflict.

Sometimes it felt like the good ol' days,except for the fact that nothing was good about what was happening, and maybe she'd actually rather be back on the battlefield being the warrior she had been born to be.

Well at least the other half was pretty okay with her job.

Some were at riot, but so far no other attempt had been made on her life after the two ones she had already lived through.

Octavia was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that she still seemed to represent some sort of stability for them, although they had probably gathered up that she hadn't ever really wanted to get as high as becoming the Leader, that it had come with trying to save them, and not 'cause she had been looking for it.

Still somehow it sort of flattered her that people were willing to follow through with what she said, but mainly follow through with the life in the bunker with still some sort of normalcy.

Octavia's heart hurt, not for the first time, cause she was about to take some more humanity away from the people she had chosen to be with her in this new world.

She was about to ask them to take a different step, towards a road not even the grounders had ever walked.

The Leader took Abby aside, as far away as they could've been from the others and tried to quickly explain what her idea was.

To say the other woman looked terrified would've been understatement of the century.

"Octavia, this is...no we can't...not after what we...not after what you did for them..."

"It will just be the dead people or those condemned to death...."

"No, this will be too much, we'll be crossing the line with this..."

"Look I don't like this either but...we're dying in here...we're fucking dying...and I didn't do what I did, and put myself and everybody else through five years of hell to watch everybody else die, I'll do what I must to save these people. My people,my responsability, that's how it is... and that's how it will be for as long as I have a chance to actually do something right by them."

"Marcus won't abide to it...!"

"Marcus" added Octavia spitefully "has been trying to tell me what to do for the past five years. And while I might have appreciated his advices in the past, I can't exactly forget what he did to me...or must I remind you that he was one to have condemned my mother to death, together with dear Thelonius?"

"But that was almost 10 years ago..."spat out Abby shocked.

"Your husband has always had a way to try ordering me around, more or less like your daughter. So I'll tell you once again, I'm the one who leads here...wheter I or you like it or not...he has always seemed to think I'd followed him around like a poor orphaned puppy who needed some guidance. Now, he may have done good by my brother, and my brother might be kind enough to forgive and forget, but I'm not. And everytime you think otherwise, then you should think twice and take a look at what happened to all the people who dared to defy me. I don't need to pull any sort of lever for that, Abby".

Said Octavia with spite before walking around her to try to assess the damage better.

Whether she would have to do what was in her mind or not, she'd have done it her way. 

"I gave you power on my people's lives, I can also take it away...be kind...and never forget it."

 

 


	17. Letters of the Commander:Year 6(Bellamy-2)

_Dearest big brother_ ,

_You once told me you'd have always been here for me._

_More than anything now, I wish you could be here._

_I can already see their faces when I'm  gonna tell them. I don't want to ruin them, I don't want them to do this._

_Before we got interrupted on tha day, well, in the world that was before...you told me about Prometheus, reminded me of his legend, and the whys and hows behind his punishment._

_Now I feel just like him. I stole the fire_ _and gave it to men, now my punishment will be to use the flesh of the dead for me and the others to survive._

_I've been punished for trying to make things better for them._

_I'll take the punishment and accept it, but know full well that I'm brining all them down with myself, and from this moment on I will never be able to turn back._

_I took plenty of choices in the past for which I never took a single step back, mainly because I could never set back foot on what I love and the life I chose for myself I'm happy with, however, this is so different. It's all part of the day before, of the world before, the one we were the last to see._

_Can you believe it?_

_Six years._

_You got lucky, somehow._

_You picked the longest stick, but I know it mustn't have been easy for you either._

_Somehow you had found your dimension down here as well, though you were always a man of the sky, and I'm forever a grounder, you're in my thoughts everyday, and I can't wait to meet you again._

_Do you miss me, the way I miss you?_

_May we meet again, O._


	18. By the law of the Commander(Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans go into action and the Bunker will never be the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:Mentions of Cannibalism.

It really wasn't easy to put in action what she had chosen.

Not the who, she was delighted by the idea...just the how.

She had taken up to the task personally... cutting and cutting and muscles and blood....

She could've lived for it forever, watching it happen again and again... it would've burned in her mind for as long as she had lived.

It was the satisfaction of completely eliminating an issue they had all been having for years, a nuisance they had been carrying since before they were on earth. Since before... on the Ark...when she still didn't exist for anybody outside the little room which was her home, and her brother and mother for company.

They had been enough for a long time... they had been enough 'till she hadn't grown up, and realized she was an outcast.. she couldn't go back home because she didn't know how to walk back home.

Nobody had ever told her, because nobody had thought she would've ever been out of that room.

Oh the cutting...and the blood..it would've been delightful to hear him scream in pain as she did that...

Octavia could've brought him back over and over if it had meant getting to do this and carving through the bastard with the same satisfaction of finally getting rid of scum... which was what he represented.

Two other grounders to assist her, looking at her every move.

She wondered if they were enjoying it...and from the look on their faces... she was pleased to know they were.

Maybe they had been waiting for this for a long time as well. Or maybe they were just hungry or both, but there they were... ready for the feast to happen.

Of course not everybody would've agreed...Skaikru was already behaving as superior people one more time...well she was ready to let them die if that was what they wanted.

They had already been given enough room to survive, they had been accepted when Octavia would've gladly left them all out asides from the kids who were not at fault for their parents' deeds.

If they had wanted to live the way they lived, they were allowed to die, Octavia wouldn't stand against that.

But she wasn't gonna let everybody else die the same way because of their stubborness.

She put her thoughts aside, and looked at the outside, thousands of people...willing to take on this, to follow her once again...to dive deep into the darkness with her.

Little pieces...muscles...bones...meat...little pieces...one by one. Cut carefully deep to the bone.

They walked out with the feast in their hands, and Octavia felt nothing... she felt nothing over what she had just done.

She bathed in Kane's shocked face, in the blood, in the crowds shouts and small talking, those leaving and those staying, she looked at Indra always very composed, and she hoped she was willing to accept this, to leep into this darkness with her as well.

All thoughts of light abandoned, there were people to feed, people to help survive, people to live for.

In the time of leaders, there was no room for being weakly hearted, scared or picky over what to do, and how to survive.

They had implicitly lost that right the day Praimfaya had come. It had felt like doom, like earth going back to zero, to the beginning point.

Earth being completely annihilated had meant many things, and Octavia felt as if it had annihilated her too as well.

Yet that had been before, it had been so long before, it was forgotten.

She had forgotten what it felt like to be anything but dead inside.

Octavia held onto many things. She held onto Indra, who was like a mother to her; she held onto Niylah who had made things better, and the kids who were the light of her life, but she still felt so hollow inside.

She could've held onto anything in the universe, yet everyday, every waking hour, Octavia felt dead inside.

Totally obliterated.

As if being a Commander, or better a Leader, had finally brought her to the edge.

All the moments, and the pain, and the betrayal, and the lost love, and the tears, all those wasted things...it had been five years.

Five years down below.

Five years hiding under, hiding under the damned floor all over again, but never hiding from trouble and fighting and trying to fight for the others, and waiting and waiting... the fucking waiting was almost insulting.

She hadn't been born to wait.

Octavia had been born to fight, to thrive, to bring chaos and order at the same time.

She hadn't been born to be put under, to wait for something that might have never come, to be still waiting for her brother.

Something finally broke.

Something she knew she couldn't have fixed.

It was the last straw of a series of ones which had been bringing her down for years.

Octavia remembered having this feeling before, letting it get through her when Lincoln had died.

It was one she had been able to bury after years of having Niylah, patiently taking care of her and viceversa.

Apathy.

She had forgotten what it felt like to literally feel anything.

In that moment she felt nothing.

More than the nothing of cutting Jaha to pieces and finally watching him burn...which she would've felt anyways...it was the feeling of having nothing at all.

Finally feeling and being nothing and nowhere at all.

 

 

 


	19. By the law of the sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Octavia takes control down on Earth....up in the Sky...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chappie right before the Premiere. The series will continue throughout season 5, for missing moments or according to the feels of the moment.  
> Happy Premiere Day!!!!!

**BELLAMY**

"It's 5 years and a day now!"stated mechanically Raven. They had gone to great lengths in order to keep count of the time passing them all by.

Five years had passed, the heat wave was over. Or most of it should be, anyways. 

Earth should be livable again...or that was what they were hoping for.

Bellamy couldn't wait to set foot back on Earth.

See his people again, see his sister again. Five years of silence from the place they had had the chance to call home for a little bit less than a year. 

There should be nothing sweeter than going back, though it would've been without Clarke.

**RAVEN**

As Bellamy looked through the window down to the old resisting planet, Raven was preparing for the Landing. 

It was odd to be doing something like that all over again. It reminded her of simpler times. 

The situation they had been in was bad, and it had started Killing people, however they had held onto the hope that things could've been better.

Throughout lots of wars and fights they had somehow settled down, and even Raven, who had been a skychild her Whole life could've easily admitted to missing that Place. It wasn't perfect and it was the place where she had probably hurt the most in her life, but she had had so much hope down there, like she had never had before. She had finally found some people to call a family. They had waited long enough.

**ECHO**

As days had turned to months and then to years Echo had gotten used to the wonders of the sky. When she was a child she had looked at it with a sort of sacred reverence...not so much because she had thought that the Commander was a God...no she had never believed that shit....but it had been way more scary than she would dare to admit. Once she had dismissed her grounder clothes( out of necessirìty) she had gotten to know another world, one which still scared and amazed her at the same time even after so many years far away from home.

Yet home was down there, down on Earth. Where she had left her people behind, even though they didn't think of her as one of them anymore.

At first she had felt plenty of anger towards Octavia, but her time with Bellamy had healed her from a lot of things, she had learned things of the Others she could've never imagined, she had seen through the powerhouse that was Bellamy's sister. 

She remembered the unusual pain she had felt at hurting her, probably her first bout of humanity since she had come to this world, and five years down the road, she was sure, that the one thing she wanted the most, as much as she had enjoyed her stay up in the sky, was to be back in the same place she had watched that sky from, and awed at it, even if she'd never admit to it.

**MURPHY AND EMORI**

Time really hadn't taken away from their will to be together. Somehow, down the road, they had become...inseparable.

Nobody would've bet on them...simply because nobody had ever dared to bet on the fact they could've ended up doing something good or productive in their lives.

Yet there they were....

Waiting...together...after five years. Still together, still tied to each other, working just as hard to get the ship back to Earth.

For most of their lives they hadn't had anybody...but finding themselves to be together had given them another perspective about life. 

Spending the rest of those together...was the biggest accomplishment they had posed?themselves...to just be... work it out day by day.

To never really put down the axe of war but also never give in to the temptation to hurt..each other or anybody else anymore.

It was a new life...a new descent...a new belief...a different time...and a different mankind.

**MONTY AND HARPER**

On the span of five years anything was bound to happen. 

Decisions had been taken, they had been broken up then back together a thousand times, while Murphy had finally seemed to get his happy ending. But hope had never been lost, and love had stayed between them no matter what.

Wherever they'd go, there'd Always be something to hold onto when it came to each other.

They had learned it the hard way, in the quiet space that was now only theirs, in that part of the world which kept them miles and miles over far from where they should've been.

Going back, was like getting back to their old lives, but all grown up.

When they had first landed on Earth most of them had thought that they had been sent down there to die. And in a certain sense that had been the ultimate purpose in case their mission, of finding it livable, had failed.

Yet somehow, they had survived, Earth hadn't killed them, and the few of them who were left from back then had been scattered in the universe trying to find safety.

Even those who hadn't been that excited about going to Earth at first were now walking on eggshells, waiting for the moment, when they would've landed once again, to an Earth which was the same and still so different from the one they had left behind.

Monty glanced at Harper as she looked down on the planet. Gone was the uniform and the ever present braid, but never her youth's pride and strength.

He thought of himself he could've loved her, everyday, for the rest of their lives, even if they had been driven apart.

 

 


End file.
